ImpostorMom

And here is where I complain about my husband. I love my husband, I really do. He is a wonderful father and a great man but sometimes I just totally do not understand why he still doesn’t seem to get me.

We had a big ole fight yesterday over something that he still cannot understand why I was upset about it. He’s has this lingering knee injury and he finally went to the doctor about it. Over the past few weeks they’ve been doing tests–x-rays, MRIs, the works.

So yesterday he goes to his follow up appointment to get the results from the MRI and they tell him he needs surgery. So, he goes ahead and schedules knee surgery for May 2nd. Without even so much as a phone call to me, his wife, his supposed partner in life.

Now in my brain, surgery is a big deal and I would think that you would consult your partner about such a decision before you know, scheduling it. After the appointment he called me to tell me that they told him he needed surgery and I thought, oh ok well we need to figure out the financial part and when is the best time we can work this in and what sort of help we need with the boy, etc. And towards the end he sort of just casually throws it in there that he’s scheduled it for May 2nd.

At first I guess it really didn’t dawn on me but then the more I thought about it the more irritated and upset I got. I was baffled as to why on earth he would just schedule something like this without so much as a conversation with me beforehand. I felt somehow unimportant in his decision process. As if he was still living his life as an “I” instead of a “We.”

Now when I get upset I have a tendency to stew and then blow up over nothing. Instead of doing this I decided to call my husband and tell him that I was upset so that we could talk about it and I could try and make him understand how I was feeling. He was baffled as to why I was upset. He really just did not get it, and still doesn’t I think.

In his defense, a lot of information came out during the course of our conversation and I now understand why he made the decision to schedule the surgery so hastily. In fact the whole “you need surgery” thing was sort of dropped on him rather quickly and he was asked to make a decision right away.

Apparently he needed to have it done within a month for insurance purposes or he would have had to repeat all the testing again. I get that. It needs to be done and it apparently has to be done soon in order to jump through the appropriate insurance hoops. But I wish he would have led with that instead of just tossing in there that he’d made this decision without me and acting like I was a crazy person for being upset about it.

He claimed that he didn’t really think that it was going to affect me all that much. Whatever, my wrist surgery in November certainly affected him as I couldn’t lift the boy or change a diaper for weeks. And we had countless conversations about whether or not I’d have this surgery and when it would be best for all of us. He claims to not remember these conversations but trust me they were had.

I’m over it now, although I am still a little peeved that he doesn’t get why that would upset me. It makes me doubt myself. I mean AM I a crazy person for letting something like this upset me? Should it not have mattered that he made the decision without me? It seems to me like a no-brainer. Like something as big as surgery is just an automatic “discuss with your spouse” sort of event. But am I wrong? Did I overreact?