ImpostorMom

It’s raining AGAIN. And I couldn’t be happier. It rained here all last week. I mean ALL LAST WEEK. When the sun came out on Sunday I was thrilled. Ah, sunshine. That lasted about 12 hours. With the sun came some seriously severe seasonal allergies. I really thought that I was getting a cold or something. Then it started raining again yesterday and magically I started feeling better. Today I feel almost human again.

I’ve had seasonal allergies for a while now but NEVER this bad. I don’t care for it. No sir, not one bit. As far as I’m concerned it can rain until June and I’d be perfectly fine with that. I am well aware that this will probably not happen so I should probably go see my doctor because the Zyrtec, it ain’t cuttin’ it. Not by a long-shot.

In other news, I lost 3.3 pounds this week. Yay! I suppose I am shrinking after all. That means that I’ve met my first goal and am entitled to a reward of the non-food variety. I believe I might get myself a pedicure. Although I’m not quite sure when I’m have time for such a thing.

Boog had a serious button-pushing day this weekend. I always say that Saturdays are to make us miss him and Sundays are clearly to make us want to go back to work. This past Sunday was no exception. In his defense it wasn’t all him. We were all super crabby this past Sunday. He was pushing my buttons and my husbands and we were pushing each others. It was great fun.

I did get to “escape” to the grocery store by myself. I typically take Boog with me and he gets a treat from Starbucks (there’s one in our grocery store) and a free balloon at the end if he’s a good boy. This week I brought him a balloon home because he WASN’T with me. It was great. I got to shop at my leisure and not have to police him. I even listened to my iPod while I was shopping. It was the best time to myself that I could have imagined on that day.

Saturday was better and my husband took him swimming at the Y while I did a spinning class. He said they had a great time until Boog managed to somehow flip himself upside down under the water. After that he was not so enthusiastic about the water. He does enjoy swimming though so we’ll be taking him more frequently now since we joined the Y again.

I’ve started trying to implement some potty training strategies. I purchased some cloth training pants and he’s been wearing them more often. I’ve also started putting him on the potty first thing when he wakes up. If I catch him early he’ll pee on the potty 9 out of 10 times. I’m not sure he really gets the whole idea of telling us when he needs to go however. And I’m beginning to think he might not be physically mature enough to really be trained just yet.

One morning this week, he sat on the potty and peed. He was so excited and we went to the kitchen to get his gummy bear. A few minutes later he was standing in the hallway and I heard “OH NO, MOMMY I TEE-TEED IN THE HALLWAY!!” He was so upset. I told him it was fine, that he should go back to the potty and make sure he was finished and that we all have accidents so don’t get too upset.

That incident though leads me to believe that he may not be mature enough just yet to know when it’s coming and when he’s done. I’m still going to continue putting him on the potty in the mornings and at night to get into the habit but I think I have to resign myself to the fact that this is going to take a while. I don’t want to put a lot of pressure on him especially since I’m not entirely sure he’s ready.

This parenting stuff is just one hurdle after another. Geez, I totally can’t believe we’ve decided we want to do this all again in a year or so. I must be crazy.

I read an article in Parents magazine recently on how to raise well-behaved kids and I’m trying to do some of the things in that article. I have resorted to taking advice from magazines. I really thought we were doing a good job and I think in most respects we are. But sometimes I look at Boog’s behavior with us and wonder what the hell we are doing so very wrong. I know, I know, I am most likely overreacting and the answer is absolutely nothing, he’s two…get over it.

He is an angel with everyone else. A joy at daycare. Very well behaved with his grandparents. But with us sometimes he’s like a different child. He has his moments of good behavior but only if you’re doing exactly what he wants to do at that moment. Ask him to do something else, say wash his hands, eat dinner, god forbid change his freakin’ clothes, and he melts down into a pile of kicking, screaming, hitting goo. Oh and did I mention the screaming NOOOOO or in the case where you’ve told him no to something the screaming YESSSSS! It’s maddening sometimes.

It’s the worst in the mornings before work. I used to think it had to do with whether or not he woke up on his own or not but that really doesn’t make a difference. I am well aware that these mornings are more difficult mainly because of circumstances. I have somewhere to be by a certain time and he really couldn’t care less. And why should he, really, I mean he’s two. That combination of him not doing anything I ask in any sort of timely manner and my need to be somewhere leads to a very short, very frustrated fuse on my part.

This weekend we had a couple of especially bad displays that landed him in time-out a few times and that seemed to make no difference. I’m starting to think we may have to re-evaluate our stance on spanking.

So, I’m going to try and apply some of the suggestions from the article and just remind myself that this is a phase. And I should probably concentrate on the fun stuff too instead of fixating on the hard stuff. We played with his sticker book for half an hour last night and we both enjoyed it. Then he sat in my lap and cuddled while we watched half an hour of Cars before bed.

And when I pick him up from school everyday he’s so dang happy to see me. Never in my life have I gotten anything close to that sort of reaction out of another human simply by walking in a room. I should focus on that part and remember that I love him with all my heart. Even when I don’t like him very much.

Hey, at least he sleeps. I’ve got that going for me. :P

I want you all to know that I have not given Boog away or ran away myself. Last week was an especially trying week but this week has been better. We did have our first public tantrum in an IHOP last Saturday morning. I LOVE being that family. I took him outside and he calmed down until we came back in and discovered that my husband had allowed the server to clear the table thus removing his precious pancakes…and resume tantrum. Oh well, live and learn.

We did do this however…

About two weeks ago I got this idea that we needed to convert the crib to the toddler bed but then I talked myself out of it. Sunday morning there was a fit thrown because Boog could not exit his bed himself. I DO IT MYSELF!!!! In addition to that, he’s been trying to climb IN his crib to free the fifty or so stuffed animals he sleeps with and really it was only a matter of time before he hurt himself.

So we bit the bullet and converted the bed. So far so good. He’s stayed in it for the most part. I had to go in and stare him down for that first nap seeing as he was still chattering after half an hour. I went in his room and he’d been throwing he animals out of the bed and then putting them back in. I had to make him lay down and close his eyes and sit there but he was asleep inside of ten minutes. After that I think he gets the idea.

I’ve realized that the majority of his tantrums are because he wants to be independent and there are just some things he’s not big enough to do yet. My strategy to deal with these things is to “show” him how to do it. I figure I’m at least trying to teach him to do whatever he’s trying to do and even if I have to continue to show him he’ll eventually learn and in the mean time it stops the screaming.

Of course there are other times that he pitches a fit simply because he’s not getting EXACTLY what he wants RIGHT NOW. I hate to tell him that he has met his match when it comes to being stubborn (where do you think he got it after all) and the second he starts to stomp those little feet and whine pretty much guarantees he’s not getting whatever it was that he wanted.

He’s been better this week. Even having moments where he was downright pleasant. I suppose it ebbs and flows just like everything.

I have been absent these days, but that should be no surprise by now. I do have valid excuses. There was a toddler stomach virus followed by a toddler respiratory virus which was then passed on to me. Thankfully I did not catch the stomach virus.

Despite the cold I still sent Boog off to his grandmother’s house last week because she had procured him a place in something called a “penguin party” at the aquarium. Now you should know by now that my boy has a serious thing for the penguins. No one wanted him to miss his penguin party and I must admit I didn’t want to miss my weekend of parental freedom either.

So I sent him anyway, despite the fever. And then I felt horribly guilty about it Friday night. On Saturday he got better and had a great time at his penguin party and then I didn’t feel so guilty. I enjoyed some time with one of my childless friends and some lovely time with my husband.

Plus I missed that little booger. That is until I got him back. I’m afraid we have entered that horrid time that is two. And let me tell you I am so not a fan of two. (I know, I know, I hear three is worse, god help us!)

Burgh Baby’s Mom wrote a post recently about being held by the tiny terrorist and let me tell you I totally get that after the last few days. I have my own little version of the tiny terrorist living in my house as well. Be careful, you never really know what might set him off.

For instance, last night I offered my tiny terrorist grapes after dinner which he happily chompped down. Once he’d finished the grapes I had set out for him he asked for more. Now I had planned to give him some pudding but I wasn’t going to give him pudding AND more grapes so I simply asked him to make a choice—more grapes or pudding. He chose more grapes. You know where this is going, right?

Once the additional grapes were consumed he, of course, asked for pudding. I explained that “no, we were not having pudding, I gave him a choice and he chose more grapes.” Oh dear god, had I known the outcome of that I would have never mentioned the effing pudding in the first place.

For a solid half hour or more he screamed and cried and flailed over the injustice of not being allowed to eat pudding. He got time out. He continued to scream and cry and carry on. I proceeded to ignore him and go through our regular bath time routine. All the while he screamed and carried on. Of course at this point there was no way in hell that he was getting any pudding. That ship has sailed, in fact he may never have pudding again.

Finally after bathing, lotioning and diapering him I couldn’t take it anymore. We are not a spanking family but I swear that was the absolute closest I have ever been to WANTING to spank him. I ended up putting him in his crib (OMG thank god I decided not to convert that to a toddler bed a couple of weeks ago!) and walking away for about ten minutes. It was like colic all over again.

He was still sobbing when I went back in there and I know for a fact he no longer had any idea what he was all worked up about. I picked him up and sat in his glider and just held him for a minute and he calmed down aside from the involuntary sniffling and shuddering from all that screaming.

This morning was much of the same. Not quite as bad but still there was screaming and crying at the injustice of it all. How dare I get him up and try to dress him for school. And OMG are you brushing my teeth??!!!! I must have a complete meltdown. Nothing helps, nothing works. I can’t reason with him, I know that. He’s two, there is no such thing as reason at this point. I ignore these fits as best I can but let’s be realistic. I can’t very well be an hour late for work simply because he needs to throw a fit about the audacity of our morning routine.

Where did my well-mannered, lovely little toddler go? I miss that kid. I’m hoping he snaps out of it cause if this lasts a whole year I’m not sure everyone will make it out the other side. Or at least could we have a break or two between the days of sheer two-year-old madness? Huh, Please? For my sake.

I tell you, nothing is better for birth control that a raging lunatic of a two-year-old. Just when I think I might want another kid…bam…crazy person living under my roof. I mean I used to be scared of doing the whole newborn thing again but now I’m terrified of having another two-year-old someday. Shudder.